OK, just a quick dash-off post before work.
See – when I get depressed, I wallow. Then, I have a burning need to make the world a better place.
Having wallowed, now it’s time to work towards a better world. SO, here’s the idea:
Bullying. We’ve been hearing more and more about it, and there are more and more programs being developed to deal with it, and it’s so prevalent we don’t even know where to begin. And we keep telling kids “hang in there, it does get better” but how can they KNOW that when they’re in the middle of being bullied? Did you or I know things would be better? We SO did not. We wallowed and sulked and were depressed and thought horrible things about ourselves and the world and everyone else and wished we were dead.
And GOD(dess)(e)(s) forbid anyone actually try to talk to us about it. Especially not face to face. HELLO, embarrassment. We’d rather have died first. Well, maybe not, but that’s what we thought, anyhow. Or at least I did. I’m SO GLAD my parents didn’t put me in front of a psychiatrist and ask me to tell this strange adult man about being called a dog and having sticks thrown at me. Oh, my God(dess)(e)(s). I couldn’t have borne it.
But wouldn’t it have been something, to have had a blog or a book or both that we could turn to, IN PRIVATE, where we could read about other people who had been bullied and lived to tell the tale? Not only lived through it, but came out on the other side happy? Or, at the very least, on their way to being happy?
I think for me that would have been a huge thing, an incredible resource.
SO, here’s where you come in. I would like to start a new blog (NO, I would not be replacing the Cauldron, this would be in addition to it.) And the new blog will be called “The Other Side Of Hell: Survivors of Bullying Share Their Stories” or something like that – I haven’t worked the official title out yet. BUT, I want to populate it with stories from people of all walks of life, all genders and races and socio-economic backgrounds, who have dealt with all forms of bullying, especially those who were bullied between the ages of 13-19. I want people to share what they went through, and what they have become, and how they think they got from point A to point B. I want everyone – those who were bullied for their race, their gender, their sexuality, their appearance, their height, their weight, their clothes, their beauty, their brains, their sports ability, their talents, their artistic nature, their Goth wardrobe, their medications, their religion and spirituality – EVERYONE who has been bullied is welcome to post their survivor’s story.
I would ask for a photo of you when you were a teenager/approximate age of when you were bullied, and one from now to go with the story. It’s more powerful if they can SEE others who have survived all of this. SO – a photo of you when you were being bullied, one of you now, and your story. You do not have to share your name or location.
If I can get twenty people or more to agree to this, I will start this blog up. If we get enough stories, I think we can also get a book out of this. And if we can get enough diversity on this, I think we can profoundly impact the world for the better. We can SAVE LIVES, people.
So – will you share your stories? Will you help me save lives? Remember – we only need twenty people to be brave enough to revisit those demons and exorcise them on behalf of thousands of kids out there who need something to believe in… like that there IS an other side after the bullying.
I’d like it to turn into two thousand people, and more. But we’ll start small.
I know I am asking for a lot. I know this is a scary idea. I know people are going to think “Are you a lunatic? I’m not sharing something that hurtful and private with anyone!” But think about it -
If (when) you were bullied, and too shy, afraid, or damaged to ask for help, and then you were to stumble across a blog where someone in their 20s, 30s, 40s, with a photo of him or herself at your age up there, wrote about having the same issues with bullying that you are having – how much would that have meant to you?
I think it’s a life or death difference. So while the thought of doing this is terrifying and I do NOT want to think about or share those stories — I’m willing to go there. I hope you will be, too. Leave comments to let me know if you will “join in my crusade / be strong and stand with me”!
great idea. not sure i’m comfortable posting my own story, but my son might be (bullied all through grade school and now almost a senior in high school and no longer bullied). I’ll check with him and see
That would be great – but I would actually love if you would reconsider and write your story for posterity. Having lived some of it with you I know first-hand how powerful yours is. Actually, we are most of us from the old ‘hood amazing survival stories. I know you in particular, and two others from our group, were among the handful of people who got me through high school at all. I do know that is a hard thing to consider doing, especially publicly. It’s certainly hard for me – I just think it’s worth doing.
Wonderful idea!!! I would like to think it would help someone who stumbles across it…
It will only work if people are willing to take a stand and post their stories and say “This is what I went through. It’s not OK. But you are not alone if you are going through it now. It will be OK.” I believe this could make a profound difference- but people have to be willing to do it. I am willing to do it. we don’t have to share our “whole” stories – but we’ve each got a smaller part we could give as an offering to someone who is struggling with what we have gone through and feels like s/he is totally alone in that pain. We can change that. We can give them someone like them to cling to when things get really rough, if we are brave.
I have a fool-proof solution to the world’s bulling problem; a secret formula handed down to me from my mother:
Take them cookies.
No joke. I was being attacked daily by a brutal boy in my neighborhood–he had bloodied my knees, shoved my little sister into the road, and more. The day we reached our breaking point and ran home bloodied and bawling, Mom said, “That’s it, I’m taking action.”
My sister and I were fist-pumping and exuberant–Mom was going to kick his butt!
Wrong.
Mom started arranging some freshly baked cookies onto a plate.
“What–nooo!” we wailed. “He doesn’t deserve cookies! He’s MEAN!”
“I know,” Mom said, “And this is the best way to make mean people change.”
Mom delivered the cookies and informed this boy’s parents that he deserved a treat for being such a “strong friend” to her daughters. From that day on–and I can’t explain why–this boy dedicated his life to protecting us. He turned away from bloodying our noses, and instead bloodied the noses of anybody who messed with us!
Fast forward thirty some-odd years:
My daughter Emma was being bullied. Hard. My knee-jerk reaction would’ve had me flying to the principals’ office to complain, but I tried the cookie thing, instead. It worked! The bully became Emma’s dearest friend and protector. We repeated this strategy with the next four children as they entered public school and met their bullies, and each time with the same results.
So I have indisputable proof that the best strategy for dealing with bullies is kindness. Those who are too incensed to deliver cookies refuse to try, so they don’t believe me, but try it and see–it works every time!
That’s a wonderful response, although I’m not sure it will work for my project. I am sure that now as a mom I think “Wow what a great idea!” – but as a sixteen year old having my hair ripped out and things thrown at me daily? Probably this would seem to my past-me in that situation a little flippant and not that supportive. I would really want to read about other people having the shit beaten out of them emotionally or physically, who are still around and happy now a decade or more after that. (Not to negate your idea, which is actually a great one).
I just think we tend to fall back on platitudes too much – “just keep being nice and it will all be fine”. OK, WE know that. THEY don’t. I know I didn’t. I was nice. I kept being nice. Ten years later, that paid off. In the actual moment? I hated myself and everyone else for what was happening to me. And I wanted and needed to know I wasn’t the only one going through it, and that there really WAS a good ending if I kept on, keeping on. That would be the focus of this new blog. Giving people someone else to read, who mirrors their own pain, suffering, and hopelessness – and shows that it can be overcome, without resorting to the catch phrases, platitudes, and suggestions for “ten ways to beat your bully”. I just don’t think that is helpful while you are actually being bullied – after, sure. But if I’ve had someone throw a rock that almost took my eye out, I don’t need to read about giving that person cookies and how that will resolve this. I need to read “You know what? I almost had my eye taken out by a rock when I was sixteen, and now I’m a professional pastry chef with a family.” You know what I mean?
Essentially, I’m looking for stories that will present tangible evidence that as a Goth/emo kid, my life isn’t always going to suck because everyone else is judging me now.
I hope that clarifies what I’m trying to do a bit?
But thank you for the advice – which is awesome.
)
Reblogged this on High House and commented:
My friend is doing this and wants YOUR storis.
Thank you! I’m still waiting on people to join in. I know this could be a great thing if we are only brave enough to do it!
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